This ‘Guy’ is Teaching Us How to Fix a Broken Heart
Broken heart. It’s such a sad term, but somehow it doesn’t seem to fully encapsulate the excruciating, gut-wrenching feeling that an actual broken heart entails. Whether it be the subtle ache after a mutual farewell or a months-long misery that has repercussions for years, most of us have experienced it at one point in our lives (if more than once, girl, we are here for you).
It’s a uniquely agonizing emotional pain, really, and despite living it, most of us have no idea how we made it out on the other side. That’s where psychologist Guy Winich comes in. His recent Ted talk about fixing a broken heart made us look real hard at the heartbreak we’ve experienced and how to resolve it without letting it—well—break us.
We recommend you watch the full video, but check out our key takeaways below.
Don’t rely on yourself fully. The coping strategies we use to get through life’s challenges completely fail when a heart is broken. Your mind shouldn’t be trusted when you’re in this emotional state.
Stay sober. Going through a heartbreak is very similar to going through a drug withdrawal. We get fixated on the romantic partner who broke our heart because that’s “our fix,” that’s why it’s so hard to heal. This means reminiscing on the happy times, sending drunk texts or stalking your ex on social media isn’t helping you, it’s helping to feed the addiction.
Stop looking for the “why.” There may be no rationale for why this happened, stop searching for one. The sooner you accept that there may be no explanation, the sooner you can move on.
Accept the outcome. On that note, accept the break up and move on, period. Making wishes that you’ll get back together can be extremely destructive for your closure.
Make a list of cons. Write down all of the bad things, the things that drove you crazy. This isn’t to show you that your ex sucks, but more to highlight the reasons why this person wasn’t for you. When the nostalgia comes flowing in, just whip out the list and remember why you’re better off.
There is no timeline. You can’t predict how heartbreak will go. Take your time, you’ll get there.
Listen carefully. Those terrible things you are feeling during a heartbreak can actually show us what we need to heal. It can help us identify the voids in our life and what is needed to fill them.
You don’t have to suffer. We know that this one is easier said than done, but it’s important. There are things that you can do to reduce the ache: surround yourself with people who make you happy and be patient and kind with yourself; you got this!
Remember, as Winich says, “no one is immune to heartbreak!” It happens and it’s shitty, but it doesn’t make you less strong and it shouldn’t make you feel less beautiful. Fight through the pain, find your smile, and use the tips above to help you get back to your best self. In the meantime, we’re here for you <3.